Hmmmm I'm sorry AGAIN.

Why did I just resurrect 'Chalice In Wonderland' from the dead blogger's graveyard? I swear I can't believe I just did that.

OK...let me analyze this a moment.

• Retired from SL check
• Not been back in save to check that my stuff had been returned...no interaction check
• No playing around on alt's check
• A little lurking around blogs but no commenting and the amount of lurking reduced steadily over time check
• No withdrawal symptoms just an occasional desire to see what was going down check

In all honesty, I have thought about SL. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. I hope that's normal given the amount of time I had been involved in it. I think it is. That said, I didn't like the way I left. I didn't like the way I did it. I didn't like what I said. I think that who I am as a person was for the most part reflected in my in-world interactions with people but toward the end something in me snapped.

This post is really not for anyone but me. It's cathartic to at least put my thoughts down on here and say what I wished I had said immediately after my departure. Is it important to anyone but me? Absolutely not. No-one will care which is fine and right and normal. In fact, no-one will remember any of the mini-drama at the time and given a day in SL is a year in RL, no-one will even know who I am...haha.

First of all, I want to apologise to Iris Searle of SCD fame. I was absolutely wrong to call her names and I had no business even going on her blog bagging her. IRIS I'M SORRY. Now Iris will in all likelihood never read this and somehow I get the impression my outburst was like water off a duckies back to her. She's had people dig at her before and unlike me, she's probably far too philosophical to let it bother her but it really bothered me. I just shouldn't have done it, plain and simple. Wrong, wrong, wrong on my part.

Dancien, in responding to my initial post, made a good point I guess. SCD is just another facet to this crazy on-line environment. Of course there is a place for nasty blogs, nice blogs, drama laden blogs, crazy blogs, boring blogs, expose' blogs, fluffy blogs and informative blogs blah blah. It's like a menu and you just pick what you feel like, you don't have to eat everything.

I'm not going back in-world to play around as I did but at the same time, I'm not deleting my account...JUST YET ANYWAY. There is definitely a strong pull associated with this game and I can't pretend I didn't have lots of fun and got to do things that in RL I'd love to do. I'm heading off on an amazing world trip that I organized with a suitcase full of gorgeous clothes, money in the bank and a head'n'heart clear of crap to fill up on wonderful experiences. I swear I don't think I would have had the clarity to do all this if I had been in SL. I know there are people far more focused and clear headed than me able to marry the two lives but for me it was becoming one or the other. If I struggled, surely other people have and do also. I think that is the thing that has been niggling away at me. That I let SL become so much more than it actually is. I just wanted to say it...out loud. Someone else might feel the same and it's ok. Just don't let it overwhelm the life you can have if you let SL be what it is...just something to do when LIFE lets you.

It's strange that the very thing that drove me away is what now, after the benefit of time, I love about SL. All the weirdo's, of which I include myself, mulling around in that micro-world just putting it out there. But there is danger and I wanted to say one last thing. It's something that I forgot about in my own SL experience and it dawned on me that I saw a lot of this with people I met.

So I will just keep CIW going for a bit longer. Kill me, lick me, hate me, love me....I am who I am and I'm just doin' my thang.

*When SL crawls in to your dreams or you start seeing SL in your RL, take a break.
*If a real person walks into the room when you're in-world and it annoys you, take stock.
*If the phone rings or someones at the door and you don't answer it, why?
*If you are hungry or thirsty sitting at the computer but you don't attend to your basic needs, that's ridiculous.
*If you start looking after your avatar better than you look after yourself, look in the mirror and say "I love you".
*If you prefer to hug a pixelated image instead of a flesh and blood person, switch off the computer and disconnect from your ISP for a while.

These things are not normal, healthy or conducive to a happy life.

Just sayin.......