Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Hmmmm I'm sorry AGAIN.

Why did I just resurrect 'Chalice In Wonderland' from the dead blogger's graveyard? I swear I can't believe I just did that.

OK...let me analyze this a moment.

  • Retired from SL check
  • Not been back in save to check that my stuff had been interaction check
  • No playing around on alt's check
  • A little lurking around blogs but no commenting and the amount of lurking reduced steadily over time check
  • No withdrawal symptoms just an occasional desire to see what was going down check
In all honesty, I have thought about SL. Sometimes a lot, sometimes a little. I hope that's normal given the amount of time I had been involved in it. I think it is. That said, I didn't like the way I left. I didn't like the way I did it. I didn't like what I said. I think that who I am as a person was for the most part reflected in my in-world interactions with people but toward the end something in me snapped.

This post is really not for anyone but me. It's cathartic to at least put my thoughts down on here and say what I wished I had said immediately after my departure. Is it important to anyone but me? Absolutely not. No-one will care which is fine and right and normal. In fact, no-one will remember any of the mini-drama at the time and given a day in SL is a year in RL, no-one will even know who I am...haha.

First of all, I want to apologise to Iris Searle of SCD fame. I was absolutely wrong to call her names and I had no business even going on her blog bagging her. IRIS I'M SORRY. Now Iris will in all likelihood never read this and somehow I get the impression my outburst was like water off a duckies back to her. She's had people dig at her before and unlike me, she's probably far too philosophical to let it bother her but it really bothered me. I just shouldn't have done it, plain and simple. Wrong, wrong, wrong on my part.

Dancien, in responding to my initial post, made a good point I guess. SCD is just another facet to this crazy on-line environment. Of course there is a place for nasty blogs, nice blogs, drama laden blogs, crazy blogs, boring blogs, expose' blogs, fluffy blogs and informative blogs blah blah. It's like a menu and you just pick what you feel like, you don't have to eat everything.

I'm not going back in-world to play around as I did but at the same time, I'm not deleting my account...JUST YET ANYWAY. There is definitely a strong pull associated with this game and I can't pretend I didn't have lots of fun and got to do things that in RL I'd love to do. I'm heading off on an amazing world trip that I organized with a suitcase full of gorgeous clothes, money in the bank and a head'n'heart clear of crap to fill up on wonderful experiences. I swear I don't think I would have had the clarity to do all this if I had been in SL. I know there are people far more focused and clear headed than me able to marry the two lives but for me it was becoming one or the other. If I struggled, surely other people have and do also. I think that is the thing that has been niggling away at me. That I let SL become so much more than it actually is. I just wanted to say it...out loud. Someone else might feel the same and it's ok. Just don't let it overwhelm the life you can have if you let SL be what it is...just something to do when LIFE lets you.

It's strange that the very thing that drove me away is what now, after the benefit of time, I love about SL. All the weirdo's, of which I include myself, mulling around in that micro-world just putting it out there. But there is danger and I wanted to say one last thing. It's something that I forgot about in my own SL experience and it dawned on me that I saw a lot of this with people I met.

So I will just keep CIW going for a bit longer. Kill me, lick me, hate me, love me....I am who I am and I'm just doin' my thang.

*When SL crawls in to your dreams or you start seeing SL in your RL, take a break.
*If a real person walks into the room when you're in-world and it annoys you, take stock.
*If the phone rings or someones at the door and you don't answer it, why?
*If you are hungry or thirsty sitting at the computer but you don't attend to your basic needs, that's ridiculous.
*If you start looking after your avatar better than you look after yourself, look in the mirror and say "I love you".
*If you prefer to hug a pixelated image instead of a flesh and blood person, switch off the computer and disconnect from your ISP for a while.

These things are not normal, healthy or conducive to a happy life.

Just sayin.......


  1. Oh Chalice!! I never knew you left, but was wondering why I hadn't seen you in forever. I feel the same way about SL as you. And your list towards the end of your post...about ignoring your RL basic needs and whatnot is so true for me as well. I think about leaving SL every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. There is so much in my real life that I need to tend to, and being in SL has completely stopped me. But it's hard to leave, as I have obligations in SL that lots of other people are counting on me for. I always think, "Okay after such and such, I am going to do it (quit)." But then I get another such and such. It's very difficult. I am so happy to hear that you will be doing something so brilliant in your RL! I hope you have the best time on your trip, and enjoy the beauty of RL. I am proud of you for taking such a step to help yourself. <3 Rhi

  2. Welcome back!!
    Chalice I have only been in SL maybe a total of 4 hours in the last 2 months! Jula even less than me!!
    Rhi you stated it is hard to leave because of obligations. WRONG!!
    Get rid of the obligations, that is what I did. I dumped Di Carnelli's Landscaping(which was nearly half a sim of plants and close to 3 years old, got rid of Le Belle Facon fashion agency. Just dumped them! As I was putting the land up for sale for the land bots it was very,very hard. I have never regretted it! I have watch about 100 hours of TV in the last 2 months, (last year I logged in to sl at lease 40 hours a week for 52 weeks! The chains have been broken!! Free at last!! I thank Chalice for it. To see someone who loved SL so much just up and let it go, well if she can do it anyone can!!
    Rhi there is a Real Life after all!!!

  3. Chalice i want to say that in my SL life one of the best times so far was working with you and Vixie - every now and then in SL you come across beautiful people - Chalice you was and are a beautiful soul yes you will be missed but from myself and my family we wish you Gods blessings take care here is a big HUG xxxx Love as allways ChristianDavid1 Destiny xx

  4. Hi darling Rhi :-)) I'm so glad you shared that with me because it makes me feel not so alone in the way I played SL. And what you said about cutting down on things next week when another job was done...omg...I did that so many times. I was literally knocking myself out for something that just wasn't worth the effort. The Miss VW pageant was a classic example. I put in so much effort in arranging my costumes, rehearsals, dances and all that only to the detriment of my sleep and time with my partner...looking back I feel so stupid that I did it. That's knocking anyone else who loves it, but I spend time now doing things that actually have more purpose and that makes me feel better about me. Your words were so so lovely and from the bottom of my heart, I wish you all the wonderful things life brings your way. :-)) Hugz.

  5. Oh Mr K you gorgeous thing. Well can I just say that your words just brought a smile to my face. I think we all get it, you, Jula and I. RL is where it's all at and SL should just compliment it within reason. I am so so pleased you got out too from the hours we all used to spend in there. I swear I used to lie in the pool at the SL house soaking up pretend rays when my RL pool was there and the weather boiling hot...why did I do that? God knows. Anyway my love...enjoy anything and everything. See you in there sometime I'm sure :-)

  6. OMG Chris....oh I've missed you. Thank you thank you for your lovely words to me. I often wonder how you and the family are. And yes, they were some of my fav times in SL with you, Vixie, Saphh and the gang coming up with weird and wonderful outfits for the shows. We used to laugh like maniacs on voice. Remember your smokin' guitar solo? What a hoot. Anyway keep up your good good work and take time in there to just escape. You deserve it. Speak again Chris :-) U B well.

  7. Yo Yo. Things for me have changed enormously. Just sitting in front of the computer all day was just wrong. Avoiding calls, avoiding seeing people, avoiding all the things I used to enjoy. I now totally have my life back on track. I rarely come into SL, erm maybe about twice in the past 6 weeks. I have my priorties back. I have a social life again. Even the tv back. Do I miss the time I spent on SL ? No. I miss some of the people and chatting for long periods of time with the people I love, but currently Im enjoying my life too much, the sunshine, my garden, the BBQ's, shopping, walking, my friends and family. So to me, its happy times. Maybe winter will be a different story. x x x

  8. Jula love....I'm so happy you are enjoying the summer and everything wonderful around you. I miss u very much but am really happy you are getting out there and sharing yourself with the are way too much fun to contain yourself to any one thing. SL just isn't big enough for your personality babe. I've seen your RL smile and it just can't be hidden behind a computer screen :-)) Love u hun. Always have, always will.

  9. Chalice,
    Having just recently found your blog, and saddened that you had left.
    I do want to say thank you. For being realistic, for putting your thoughts, and emotions out there for all to see.
    I must admit, I take to heart this particular blog post, as it truly TRULY hits close to home HARD.
    I won't go into details as this isn't the time nor the place.
    But I just wanted to say that I completely understand every aspect of this post. I hope that in the future you're able to find a nice balance and happiness in both worlds should you choose to come back to your second one.
    Just from reading your blog, I know that you are an amazing person, and I wish you all the best!

  10. Afrosia :-) First of all here's a big hug. I'm so glad you shared that with me. I knew there would be other people who felt like I do/did. The internal struggle to lose yourself in another world that you create yet at the same time, still have to function and attend the demands of your RL. For ages in the beginning it was a healthy balance but the longer I played and the more jobs I took on, all aspects of my RL was beginning to suffer. Sometimes I even rescheduled RL social stuff if I had a fashion show or competition on. In retrospect, that was totally unacceptable both for me and my partner/family/friends.

    I totally get why people love this game. On the surface it seems to be a healthy form of escapism but for people like me who tend to have all or nothing personalities, it can be counter-productive to a happy life. For those who keep the balance right, I do salute you.

    Your words were so beautiful Afrosia and they made me smile from ear to ear. Thank you for your comments from the bottom of my heart.

    Only 25 days to go until I unleash myself on the big wide world...God help everyone lol.